November 4, 2017
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everything you do is done in robotic,
mechanical movements.
wake up. get dressed. brush your teeth.
walk to the bus stop. get to school. sit at a desk.
the same desk every day.
go to your next class. sit at a desk.
the same desk.
flinch when you see them in class.
in the same seat.
flinch when you see them in the halls.
in the same place.
cry when you think about them too much.
always the same stupid things.
go to sleep.
in your bed. alone.
wake up.
in the same bed. alone.
repeat. repeat. repeat.
our hearts are more manual.
they break in different ways each time.
they don't heal on their own.
you have to do it yourself.
you don't have a choice.
it's messy and painful and unpredictable.
there's no pattern.
there's no true repeat.
there's just feeling.
there's no telling if it'll be good or bad,
and if your heart breaks,
you have to fix it on your own.
no repeats.
no redos.
just you.
-1:27am, 11/2/17

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