A Monster and a Friend

October 23, 2017
By Anonymous

There's a voice and it's outside me
She calls me into herself
Her front door is the scale on my floor
And I dial her number
She says come back when you're lower
"Dear, you're in control here"

And I am smitten
Pure fascination
She's always there when no one else cares
Dependable like a drug for a high
And as long as I'm lower
She'll keep calling me "mine"

I feel her friendship
When my enemies eat
And the hunger inside me chisels me weak
But our bond is strong
She's seeing me through
And as the number grows lower, she welcomes me through

I wish for an exception,
Not really a cure
Because adding up pounds blocks me from her door
She's my purpose, control, in a disordered life
She's not the disorder, we're wed, she's my wife

There's a voice and it's inside me
She calls me herself
The front door is locked
It's a prison cell
She cackles, I heave, and she holds the keys
"When you're thin enough, baby, then you can leave"

The author's comments:

A poem about my struggle with anorexia

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