Last year DAMNATION
With things I don’t talk about
But now I can
I can talk about
About the things from one year ago
The year of “hell” and pain
The year of sorrow and tears
The year I lost

My ninth grade year
With thoughts of pain
Wanting to cry with my music blaring
Thoughts of death
How it almost came
Thoughts of doubt
What pain they brought for me
Thoughts of running
Leaving this town behind me

With the pain of peoples glares
Judging me for nothing
Thinking they know me
The pain of being shoved
Up and down the halls of life
Kicked down and discouraged
The pain from the spoken and not spoken words
Words of hate and lies
Shooting like arrows to my heart and soul
The pain from never fitting in
Due to my clothing and voice
The pain of my ninth grade year

Always getting yelled at………
By “friends” or strangers
Being alone with my thoughts
Thoughts of hurt, sorrow, and loneliness
Because no one bothered to notice me
Leaving me in the dark…..
Under the dark blue sea….
Drowning me…..
Not seeing a single ray of light
Not a single hand came to pull me out
To give me a light
A small glimpse of a flickering candle
Spakered by a new found friendship or love
Leaving me there in the dark blue sea

With the fake smile on my face
Hiding my pain and tears
The single tear of loneliness
As it rolls down my red blushed cheek
Hitting the waters of the sea
Making a small ripple
With no affected to others around me
Leaving me in pain but not them
Feeling like knifes to my back
For they are happy but i was not

Then I found it
A little ray of light
Come through the dark ocean
Reaching me at the bottom
Bringing me up to the surface to feel the hot blazing sun
So high in the sky but yet bring me joy
I found it
A place to be
A home….
A family….
I found it
In the hearts of the people
At my church

Yet i'm still alone
In the vast sea of people
Alone at school and the world
With people but not with them
Alone in the vast sea of people
And yet i'm ok

A feeling of joy
Reinsurance…….
Love……
Something I had no idea of
In my dark lonely world
Making new friends every day
Finding a family
Of many

With  no judgement from others
No pain from rumors behind my back
But a place of hope and love
A shining star…..
An enormous flame….
In my vast world of darkness
Reaching me under the dark ocean
Lifting the loneliness
And I am thankful
To belong
Too walk in the light
To swim and not sink
And i would
NEVER…..
EVER…..
GIVE IT UP!