A Simple Question

September 24, 2017
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How many times have I asked you?
Asked you if I was that f-word,
That f-word adjective that defines the thing we all feel at some point in our lives
Fat
Am I fat?
That's what I asked you
You said no, like you were supposed to
But who ever said you were supposed to?
What if I wasn't looking for no, but for yes
Yes, you are fat
But so what?
Yes, you are fat
But do you have any idea how beautiful that is?
That a century ago, you would've been the most b-word because you are that f-word
Beautiful because you are fat
Why did this change?
Why did we change?
What made us think that straight lines and transparent frames would make beautiful portraits?
What made us lose our curiosity,
Yes, our curiosity of how a body can curve and bend to create something that can only be defined as that b-word
Beautiful 
Perhaps we aren't as fixed on our curiosity
We are only concerned for our ability to already know the answer
F-word or b-word
Fat or beautiful
Since when did "or" come into play
Since when did "or" replace that a-word
And
Fat and beautiful
That f-word, that b-word, that a-word
Who knew?
When was the last time we said that?
Who knew?
Who knew that hips could crescent like the moon but shine like the sun
Who knew that cheeks could be molded to a delicate disk to hold fierce eyes and rolling laughter?
Who knew that torsos and stomachs could bend and fold so elegantly
That could bend but never break
That weren't paper thin cut-outs that could be ripped apart,
but tough and graceful to face any threat with strength and refinement
That posed in portraits without blushing of embarrassment, because they had nothing to be embarrassed about
Who knew?
Who knew that it would all amount to nothing?
Who knew that like how paintings burn, so does the desire to see the b-word in the f-word
Beauty in fat
Do those two even go out to dinner these days?
And perhaps if they did, then maybe I could close my eyes at night without having to imagine myself as someone else
And maybe I wouldn't look for someone else's reflection when the mirror repeats that f-word
Fat 
That f-word, but never that b-word
Beautiful
Fat but never beautiful
So, when I ask you if I am that f-word
Don't just say that b-word,
It isn't meaningful by itself,
Say that f-word with that b-word,
Or simply say
"Yes, but so what?"






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