“This is the first of many.” That’s what my mother had said. Was that supposed to make me feel better? I didn’t ever want to feel this again. All of this because of you.

I should’ve left you from the start. 

Please listen closely, because I’m sick to death of repeating myself. My throat is raw from screaming my worries. Only for it to be tossed out the other ear. You’re so conceited, and you always were. It was senior year, and you were scared of the future. You used yourself as an excuse to be nasty to other people, to me. My hands consist of burning  blisters from picking up your broken pieces and sticking them back together. You didn’t want to lose me, because I did everything for you. You took advantage of my kindness. You took advantage of my love.

You would hurt me out of spite, an immature characteristic of yours. How could you tell me you love me, only to go and tell her the same? How could you let me do so much for you knowing none of it would be returned? You would lie to me about your whereabouts. Arguing were our goodbyes, and hellos. I heard from my friends about the things you would do in the back of your car. I really couldn’t understand why you would string me on for so long, but now I’m sure I know why.

Alone? That was a phrase you’d never felt before. Nobody? You always had me, up until May 2017. What did you expect of me, I can’t and I will not take care of a grown man. A series of cheating and fighting with you throughout my sophomore year. And you called yourself mature That’s a joke. You distracted me with your lies, and kept me with your false promises. Throughout all of that I can only say one thing, you're cruel. You showed up at my window in the late hours of the night to say you missed me? That’s a huge red flag. You continue to harass me on Instagram, even after several accounts of yours have been blocked. Please, for the love of God, leave me alone.

Leave me alone. I don’t want to be with you anymore.

Leave me alone, I don’t want to be grabbed anymore.

Leave me alone, I don’t wish to be shoved again.

I don’t want to be screamed at when we run out of gas. Your angry words would stab into me like pins and needles. I don’t want to be blamed for you sleeping with another girl, as if somehow I drove you to that point. Leave me alone, I don’t want you to want me anymore. You made me feel ugly, unwanted, and a burden. With you, I was a mess. Without you, I found myself again.

A toxic breath is all you brought to me. A disease and all of its glory. You told me you liked it when we touched but I couldn’t feel my hands anylonger. I can finally feel my fingertips, and I can breathe a little easier now. I thought I needed you, I needed myself. I don’t wish for you to come back, stay away.

Goodbye, X.