I keep having the urge to call you.
Though I don't really know what I would say.
It will just be small talk, and me asking about your day.
How was work,
Did you eat something today?
But it's all just filling time,
Till I hear the click at the other end of the line.
If I asked how you're feeling,
You would just say fine.
We don't have the time to dive deeper than that.
Nothing I would say would enthrall you,
Nothing I could say would make you fall too.
I already let you fall on your face,
I already helped your heart not race when you see me.
I feel like I helped the departure,
I feel Archer is paved with the enchanting and the dissatisfactory.
This factory isn't pumping the love anymore,
Now just creating a mask to bear,
To wear in the store front,
To catch the attention,
Of whoever is there.
All the habits I said that were bad for me,
Though I failed at trying to fix them.
I never tried to learn how to use the tools it took to repair the leaks in our gorgeous ship.
And I miss skimming the shores,
Getting drunk, and drinking bud light in fours.
I miss watching the skyline with you,
I miss climbing the mast to stand on my tippy toes to try and collect stars for you.
I would store them in your eyes,
And gaze at constellations every night.
And I will miss,
You, missing me, but miss,
That's not what I need to be
And I miss being happy.
And being sappy over someone,
And not feeling annoyances that make me question the buoyancy of what you are feeling.
I don't want to question the meanings all of the time. I just want to be care free,
And feel like that's not a crime.
Don't spare my feelings,
Be real with me.
I know I can be the gentle giant,
I may come off as I'm being defiant,
But I know that this is life,
And I can't be great all of the time.
But I need to know that I can be reliant on you,
To speak up about how you feel,
Show me that it's real.
Show me how you really are,
And how you really feel about everything.
Show me who you really are,
Cause I want to love you when you are freezing cold, and when you're bright as a shining star.
But that's not how things are.
Though I wish it were true.
But wishes aren't coming true tonight,
Spread your pixie dust,
And clap your hands.
And understand that it's all fairy tales.
And wishes aren't coming true tonight.
I have to live with that.
I have to live with the pros and cons,
And situations that I handled wrong.
Though, I wish I was stronger.
I wish that I could stop being a bother,
Cause I have been too much.
And I really need to lose touch.
And stamp it in my mind that there is no us,
Just M, and A.
And that's how far away I need to stay.
Cause it is no longer healthy for me,
Not for some time now.
And I know I said so long.
I think I need to just say goodbye now.
Because I can't try to sense any electricity left in the socket.
I need to put it all away,
Instead of keeping it close to my heart,
I need to take it out of my shirt pocket.
And think about it some day,
And I will learn how to utilize the tools,
I will learn how.