For you, H

July 21, 2017
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When I look up at the sky I see a million stars twinkling.
I picture you alone lying on the grass,
With your hands behind your head,
Looking up too.
But instead I only see you with someone else,
And that someone else is making you laugh.
Or at least I think she is.
When you stopped answering my calls, and when you stopped answering my texts,
I knew.
I just knew.
But tell me why I wasn’t prepared for this.
Tell me why I can plan out 4 years of my life in college,
But I wasn’t one bit prepared for this.
Tell me why.
Phone call after phone call.
Rejection after rejection.
Silence after silence.
It was all I knew.
So I stopped one day and gave through.
I stopped and I thought I could win your attention,
With a little deflection.
To make you feel as miserable as I was.
But I was wrong.
I was so wrong.
What demon possessed me to make me act this way, only God knows.
And only I know that I love you with all my heart and soul.
You see I want you even though you wouldn’t make time for me.
I want you even though you told me to leave.
After you broke up with me,
I had to go to work in 30 minutes.
I sat on my couch and I cried.
It felt like I had died on the inside.
And I had.
I fixed my mascara and I got into my car to drive,
Only I couldn’t start it.
I couldn’t start something that I wasn’t too sure would last..
I was so sure we would last.
Maybe I’m not hurting because I lost you.
What if I’m hurting because I misjudged you.
I made you out to be the best,
But in the end you failed every single test.
So what am I supposed to do now?
Moving on doesn’t mean I can’t still cry myself to sleep every night.
It means I have to get on with my life.
Because life doesn’t stop for just anyone.
Not even you.
And you will see, once you come back to reality.
You will see that you miss me.
Or am I just hoping that there is a crater inside your heart that yearns for me as much as my own heart yearns for you.
Tell me if I’m wrong.
Because if I am,
Well then I just have to live with that.
And so it goes, right?
Do you recognize my reference?
You were the one who taught me that there is so much you can learn in life.
Were you just one of my lessons?
So here’s the end.
Cheers to the two of us.
We made it 2 years, and 2 months.
I just wish we could have lasted the rest of our lives.
I guess that was just another one of your lies.

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