nobody understands the way I want to rip my veins out from underneath that pale skin
and spread them out just to see how they work
maybe I'll even pin them up on the fridge next to my calendar and all those old movie tickets

nobody understands why I want to go back to the man who knocked me out cold-
they didn't feel his hands pulling me off soggy blood carpet
and he wasn't always like that
sometimes,
but not always
I'm tired of kisses goodnight that don't leave me bruised

nobody understands why I stopped going out
I don't miss washing my makeup off in a stranger's shower while my hair clogs up the drain
I wonder where all those sleeping bodies on sticky couches go when they wake up

nobody understands when I leave town with no notice
And sleep in superstore lots with my cheek pressed on the glass
sometimes I feel safer in strange cities
where the people I pass don't know me yet

and nobody understands me when I say I'm not sure what happens next
my car drifting closer to the edge of the valley road
I don't sleep anymore and I take nausea medication with all my food
I'm just sitting in bed with lemon cake and cherry syrup
waiting for the day when I won't understand these feelings either.