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Grandpa

By , selma, OR

There is art within your compulsive organization

The way the measuring cup must be flat to ensure precise amounts
For the perfect combination of ingredients

The way your white undershirts are stored
Folded perfectly
Unsullied

Like the corners of the bed sheets
Tucked, without wrinkle

Unlike your skin
Your aging skin
That spits sweat
When you act happy

When you take those
kidney killing
Pain stoping
Mind numbing
Zombie like attitude inflicting
Things

Pills

You
Then
And only then
Are not yourself


The way you sleep
With head upon couch
Because
For some reason
You can't bring yourself to lay next to her

Your wife

She is the reason you are alive
But
She is the reason you are killing yourself

You survived war
You survived
You persevered
And you loved
You love

The hollow place on that couch left by your bottom

Bible ridding shotgun on your wooden table

And your mints
I hate those mints

You ask question about technology
Slow down

You ask me about growing up
Slow down

You ask me about cooking
Turn down that burner
And
Slow down


Shoot! He is running away. Shoot!
Speed up

Get him in your scope and shoot
Speed up


You give me advice
On driving
On going to church
On how to cook
On how to gut out a buck
And how to be ethical

You taught me words
On the way to school
Before we would stop at the coffee shop

I learned them
For the coffee and muffin
And for you

Your days of clarity are filled with
Joy
Good food
Target practice
Overly-purposeful movies
And walking

You can't walk well
Or hear

But you sure can listen to instruction

The navel environments taught you that
Down the smallest command
You must obey

And now, you follow instructions on a cake box like they are your Sargent

Your hair
gray
Brushed to the right
Without one stray 

Your mouth
Spits venom
Preaches great lessons
And
Cradles cigarettes 

Your temper
Is that of a lion
Patient with the cubs
Until one day
You snap

You are the strongest
weak man I have ever met

You pathetic hero
You courageous disaster
You are so ugly
Yet so beautiful

You are a contradiction 

Because of you
I love
I hate
I learn
I pray
I learn how to feel

Because you show me
High
And low

Heaven
And hell

You are a devilish God

You are my grandpa
And
Somehow
I still
I love you


 


 






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