June 8, 2017

“You don’t know what you have until it’s gone”
I was told this statement so often
But I never understood it until the unthinkable happened

So many words unsaid
So many hugs and kisses not given
So many smiles unused

Her laughter reverberates through my brain
Her smell lingers in my nose
Her face is a buoy in my mind

It didn’t seem real when it happened
I continue to see her everywhere

Perching upon her kitchen chair,
Thunderously snoring in her bed
Hovering at my bedside when I speak to her as I depart into sleep

At times,
I speak like she is still present
And then I remember
And the pain washes over me like a wave
Just like it did that morning

People persistently tell me
That it will eventually recede
That, like a photograph, the sadness will fade
And give way to a life
More joyful and bright
But still brimming with remembrance of her

And I just hope to God that this happens soon
Because right now.
I just feel.

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