June 7, 2017
By Anonymous

I wonder

Has a man ever felt
That his body was not his own
That it was dirty,
Undeserving of love?

Everyone has felt inadequacy
But has he ever felt fingerprints and been unable to recall what exactly brought them on
Has he ever woken up bruised and scarred
And wondered why

Has he ever scarred himself
Too afraid of his own reflection to look in the mirror?

Maybe one man has
Or a few dozen

And to them I am sorry
I acknowledge your struggle

But to the other four billion of you,
Have you ever wondered?

What happened to that girl you led to the bathroom
The one who was barely standing
Who couldn’t find her friends

Maybe she enjoyed herself
She seemed like she enjoyed herself

Except maybe that night she got home and felt the filth on her skin
Maybe she noticed the scraps on her knees and the bruises on her back
Maybe she stood in the mirror staring at a body she didn’t recognize
Feeling as though she were a soul separated from its skeleton
Maybe she took a shower and still felt dirty
Maybe she didn’t remember your name
Maybe she spent hours trying to get the grime out of her head
Willing herself to the blissful ignorance that is sleep

And just hours later
She’ll wake up and think of you again
She’ll wonder who that man was
Why he took her away from her friends
And she’ll wonder whether she really wanted him to or not
She does not regret things that she once wanted in one moment
But what happens if you cannot remember what you wanted in that moment?
Then it all feels like regret

And you think nothing of it
Another phone number in your phone
Another story for the boys
You don’t bother to text her
No need to make her think this was more than one night
Besides she knew
Otherwise, why would she have been there?
She was ready for you and you took her

You have no way of knowing
And she will never tell you

So I am telling you now
Be gentle
For girls are scarred often
Though they endure more than you know,
They bruise easily
Their skin is soft
Their lips are kind

And they feel a pain you will never feel
Every time they wake up with whiskey on their breath
Or a man in their sheets

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