PTSD Isn't a Big Deal

May 25, 2017

It isn’t a big deal until I say it is
Until I’m panic attacking
My mind
Ripping my skin to shreds
From the inside out
My knees bruised and shattered
From prayers of
Make it stop
Make it stop
Please
Help me
Somebody help me
It isn’t a big deal
Until my head is to the ground
My hands over my ears
Raking through my hair
Where did it go
Where did it go
Where did my sanity go
My drumming heart beats at me relentlessly
Blow after blow
Of cruel life
It isn’t a big deal
Until the fear and terror of the past takes over
And my mind is a child behind a locked door
Praying
Praying
Praying
He doesn’t have the key
When it’s a big deal
It’s the sound of memories
In shakes and screams
And approaching footsteps
And hands clutching pillows
Too afraid to go to sleep
Enter Sandman a repeated nightmare
Playing over
And over
And over
And over
Behind sleepless eyes
It isn’t a big deal
Until the voices haunt my breaths
And create in me a ghost
That won’t die
And won’t go away
No matter how much I squeeze my eyes shut
And strangle the next prayer out of me
And will myself to make it stop
Just make it stop
It isn’t a big deal
Until the doors are closed
And the blinds are drawn
And the silence ensures
That no one will ever know what happens within
So don’t look at me with those eyes
Full of pity and sorrow
As if I’m full of fragile eggshells
You don’t know what goes on behind closed doors
And it isn’t a big deal until I say it is






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