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Caged

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Caged.

Caged in a box.

A box I can’t seem to get out of. It’s holding me captive. Not letting me escape. Everyday I think I might break out but the walls just get thicker, stronger. In this box is the real me. The me that I’m afraid to show others. Others must see me as a strong and brave girl. I’ve succeeded in projecting that image to everyone who knows me. But recently it started freaking me out. What if no one ever knows the real me? What if my whole life I’ll be known as the emotionless girl who never cared about anything. The girl who never shed a tear.

The girl who has no feelings.

That’s not how I want people to see me. I want them to know the real me. The emotional, vulnerable, and extremely caring person. Is it too late to change my identity? Will I always be seen as some character who I made up in order to hide my true feelings? People tell me I act stone cold. The truth is I’m just scared to show people how much I care about them. I’m scared that if they know they have that control over me they’ll use it and then get bored and leave. I’m scared to show how much love I can give because I think that no one wants it.

No one will ever want it.

Never again do I want to be used. It’s happened too many times.

After every time the walls on that box got stronger and thicker. I wanted to hide the real me in that box so that I could never be hurt again. That box has become so strong, to me it feels like I can never break out of it. I want to shatter the walls but I’m not strong enough.

I want to break out.

I want another pair of hands that’d stay by my side. A pair of hands to help me break that wall down brick by brick. Someone to help uncover the real me. Many times I’ve thought that I found that person but it always ended in them just adding more bricks to those walls.






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