teenage thoughts

June 6, 2017

The thoughts in my head are there for a reason
Despite the danger, no matter the season
Locked up in a box in the back of my mind
Left guarded by common sense they will remain confined
Because depression isn’t something that you can just control
It’s something that takes over your body, leaving your mind and senses dull
I’ve got everything someone could need and somehow i can’t feel relieved
I’ve got friends and i’ve got family who are watching out and loving me
I’ve got coaches, teachers, tutors, preachers, and adults of many sorts
They look after me make sure i’m free but confined to my own support
The money isn’t the issue, not abandonment or love
But it’s my own mind that’s made me blind to the things sent from above
The gifts i was given and disregarded like some preppy spoiled p***k
But maybe i try to appreciate and my appreciation doesn’t mean s***
Maybe the fact that i’ve encountered along hardships on the way
But my life is more set up that a lego set given to me so i could play
Just because i dont live a rough life doesnt mean im not f***ed up in the head
Maybe the feeling of loneliness, knowing that i’ve been left for dead
Just because i’m not suicidal doesn’t mean i haven’t thought about it
I mean, who would really miss me? Would it be better if i was gone?
But if people think about leaving this world how glorious could it be?
If the world is perfect and good to everyone
How could i be at a private school writing up this poem
While there’s kids down in south africa who are fighting to get a meal
And in america if a kid gets to eat only twice they may think what’s the deal
All this s*** that’s going on in my life is just something minor
But all the good that happens just makes the bad details observed finer
And i’m just the kid trying to be inspirational by rhyming with these words
Once the ink touches the page the faucet runs and this flow can’t be conserved
But what happens if it’s worse than california and i get an idea drought
How could i express my thoughts and my feelings, my desires and my doubts
Let the ones around me know i’m struggling with out being too obscene
But the way this big kid acts just doesn’t match that of the TV screens
Because sitting down and working hard that couldn’t be for me
And have a grade average that is higher than C’s and D’s
That wouldn’t be normal for a kid who went to a school for athletes
What if i were to tell you that my grades are much above average
And that lunch and break aren’t actually my favorite classes
And that in my classes the grades i get aren’t more fails than passes
But a rep is a rep and mine isnt very good
And i wish that i could change it
and if i could i would

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