I came back from school
and noticed that no one was home.
It didn't bother me.
I turned on my gaming console
and started to play.
Soon enough it was night time.
Still, no one came home.
I felt my phone vibrate on my bed.
My mom was calling me.
I picked up the phone
and before I could say hello she said,
“Your sister tried to kill herself.”
I remember mom sounding tired,
and not like in the “I've just been crying for the past few hours” tired.
I remember not feeling anything,
I didn't know how to feel.
She's my sister, and yes, we lived together.
We just never got along.
We never fought, but we never bonded over anything.
We were too different,
and it sometimes felt like I was living with a stranger.
I remember mom’s voice breaking the silence between us,
“She wants to talk to you.”
I heard shuffling sounds, then my sister’s hoarse voice.
“You never cared about me-”
I hung up.
I didn't want to hear it, not from her.
I threw my phone down
Is it my fault she wants to die?
Is she right?
A big part of me believed so.
I haven't cried at all since hearing it.
I'm an awful person. I remember thinking.
I didn't leave my bed until my sister came home the next day.
They say if she tries to do it again,
she'll be staying at the ward for much longer than a day.
Where were you when my sister attempted suicide?
On May 5, 2017
I was playing games, oblivious to my sister’s suffering.
Maybe I could have stopped her.
If only I was a better sister.
If only I was a better person.
She's not dead yet, I still have another chance.
To stop her.
To start caring.
I thank god for that.