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Living for the Future

What do you see when you look into my eyes?

A freak? A nameless being?

Or maybe simply another face in a sea of people.

What do I see when I look at myself in the mirror?

I see pain, laughter, tears, smiles, fatigue, and endless energy.

What do I do when the world I live in doesn't know I'm suffering?

I feel the scars,

on my hips,

my heart,

my wrists.

And I think back to a time where I was truly alone,

wandering the streets at night, the sky dark and stormy,

with the cold rain falling down on me.

it was like the sky was crying

all the tears i was too afraid to shed myself.

That was a long time ago,

but I can still feel the sharpness of the blade upon my soul,

my skin,

my heart.

Sometimes at night,

I sit up and stare out my window and cry,

for all the pain I sometimes still feel.

I wonder if this life was meant to be more than this.

This town,

These people.

These feelings.

I am like a caged animal,

trapped inside bars,

locked in, with no hope to escape.

I scream,

cry,

yell.

But no one hears me.

I stand alone

on my own little path of life

that I have been on for as long as I can remember.

With a broken heart,

A broken soul,

and a broken mind.

Still,

I struggle on,

so that maybe I can see beyond this world of

love, life, and happiness, and darkness and despair.

So here I stand, a smile on my face,

even though I am being torn apart on the inside.

I will continue to smile

and feel

and love

and I will survive,

survive untill tommorrow, so I can learn to trust again.

And then, this sweet agony

that has been with me my entire life.

will be dispersed

become nonexistant,

gone,

no more

and I will finally be

alive






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