Four Words

May 28, 2017
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The cruelest thing you’ve ever done
was what you had intended as the best.
Of course, only you would have others’ interests
at heart, as you laid my love to rest.


One life, for the happiness of everyone
A fair trade, I know you’d say.
Never once did you stop to consider
that maybe I wouldn’t feel the same.


The life you stole was priceless,
his mind, whole and beautiful.
There was nothing in the world that I wanted
more than I wanted you.


And in my mind, you wanted me.
How could they not have been true?
All those sweet things you whispered to me,
as we fell asleep under the immortal moon.


That you’d be mine forever, and I’d be yours.
All your endless romantic clichés.
Never mentioning how our lives were impermanent
and your forever meant numbered days.


Those nights out on the fire escape,
our brief eternities spent gazing at the city below.
Sharing our pasts, dreaming about our futures
And I assumed I’d be part of your own.


All those things you said you wanted
A job, a home, a family
A wife, you whispered in my ear.
Letting me believe in more than a vague dream.


I would have done anything.
Anything you asked, no matter how big or small.
Said whatever you wanted to hear,
if it meant you would stay in this world.

Please don’t leave me, Love.
Please tell me what’s wrong?
You mean everything to me,
and I don’t know what I’d do if you were gone


Maybe I’m the selfish one.
They tell me it wasn’t my fault.
But who’s to say they’re right,
when the truths you told me were false?


Truth should be objective.
No real difference between mine and yours.
But my truth is that I hate you,
and love you more than you’ll ever know.


My truth was all I knew.
But I don’t know anything anymore.
I no longer recognize Happiness and Anger;
just two old friends I can’t tell apart.


But I still know Confusion,
Desolation, Resentment, Sorrow.
My guides help me navigate that empty space
in my heart that was once your home.


If I had told you all of this,
would my words have been enough?
I know I told you I loved you.
I guess I never told you how much. 


Please, please, no
The words I repeated again and again
The day I found you laying peacefully,
my desperate screams penetrating your silence.


Clutching a note of just four words
in your hand as our eternity flickered to an end.
It’s better for everybody.
Haunting and wounding me like weapons.


Confusion. Desolation. Resentment. Sorrow.
Over one another in my head, they fight.
My own four words to combat yours,
to decipher what you left behind:


It’s better for everybody.
Please, I’m so lost.
Letters are supposed to bring closure
But yours just brings me doubt.


It’s better for everybody.
Emptiness. Everything is empty.
You were the best thing for me,
but maybe you thought I was better hollow.


It’s better for everybody.
But why would you do this to me?
And who the hell is this everybody?
I’m sure I’ve never met them before.


It’s better for everybody.
It’s all my fault, Love, I’m so sorry.
But nothing I ever do can help you,
or stop how much this hurts.


And what did I know?
I was just a stupid kid in love.
I couldn’t see that you were hurting,
that our fantasy was just that - made-up.


What I knew was that your perfection
transcended a four-word note.
Now, all that I know is a scrambled mess,
much like this lament I wrote.


But I wrote it to tell you I love you,
I see you everywhere, no matter what I do.
I wish I could say I forgive you.
But then, wishes don’t always come true.


And if they did, you’d be here with me,
instead of somewhere up in the sky.
I know you meant to end a sad story,
but you accidentally left one behind.

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