On a Wednesday Night

May 19, 2017
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Here I am on a Wednesday night wide-awake at 11:07 PM because I am afraid.
Not afraid because I’m afraid of the dark or anything like that
But, simply because here I am, a young adult, just a teenager, afraid to live life.

I’m afraid because I don’t want to live anymore further.
I’m not saying it any suicidal way or anything.
I’m saying it because I hate life and what I see in it.

I hate the reality of it and what it brings.
I hate the anger
I hate the stress
I hate the drama
I hate the distance
I hate the running
I hate the difficulty

Why does it all have to be like this?
Why does everything have to be so hard?
Why can’t we all go back to first grade and have out biggest worries be deciding what color to paint our picture and what sport to play during recess?
Why do these worries have to now be so complicated and difficult?

When did I ever have to think of paying someone back when I was three or having to worry about what to wear and were to go and what to say and what to do and who to love and what to love and how to be when I was in first grade?

Now we live as robots.
Now we function like puppets that wake up every morning and live day-by-day waiting for the next 24 hours ahead of us
Living sad and empty lives trying to pay off taxes and mortgages.
Running from place to place worrying about making it on time.
Stressing about the need to mark a mile stone and moving on from the next to next
Always feeling the need to work for something ahead of us, and once that’s achieved immediately having moved on to working towards the next task.

As I stare at this blank ceiling
I tell myself that I don’t want to live this unhappy and miserable life.
I don’t think I can handle it
I’m just not strong enough
In this life, there is never a time to just stop and enjoy life itself

Why don’t we have a Never land like in Peter Pan?
A place where we can worry about the fewer things
A place to stay young
A place to be careless
A place where we can play
A place to live happily






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