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I still remember

I vaguely remember my own child being stripped from my own hands. Her screams were muffled as I was in a state of relaxation. The men that took my daughter were considered noble and honorable. I was a sick, demented waste of space.


I remember getting the news. She told me on our honeymoon. Our family of two had now transformed into a party of three. I was full of grace as I now had a direction in life.


I still remember my wife’s face. Her face was full of confusion and despair. She was in a state of panic and was terrified of what I have become. She was amazed as my promises had become lies and how our future together would now be part of the past.
I still remember my wedding day.  My wife’s face was full of joy and she was in a feeling of ecstasy as I also was, but for the wrong reasons. She was excited for what lie ahead in our lives.


I still remember when you left me. My bank account consisted of a single digit. I couldn’t afford running water, a place to call home, nor clean clothes. Yet I still tried winning you back as I needed you more than I needed clean air.


I still remember when I first met you. The Stones were in town and so where you. You were the life of the party. 22 million people used you, yet I loved you the most. The delusions and hallucinations that you brought me made my feelings towards you feel genuine.


I still remember the looks pedestrians gave me as I begged for change just to get by. They were disgusted as an ungroomed man with torn attire asked to have part of their wealth and fortune.


I still remember the unforgivable acts I was involved with just so I could feel you rushing through my veins and entering my brain.


I still remember when the first needle that entered my vein. It was a disgusting pain that was unbearable and I couldn’t imagine how anyone would use it for pleasure.


I still remember the last needle that I used. It was pain that was tolerable and brought a low level of ecstasy into my system.


I still remember my first reaction. It felt as if life had slowed down and brought good vibes. I was in awe as I felt at peace with myself.


I still remember my last reaction. I was numb and disgusted to the tolerance I had built over the years. I had gone through three needles and felt nothing. I thought that I was immune to the drug for I couldn’t feel the side effects nor the withdrawals.


I remember it had felt as if life had become boring. I had been staring in the same direction for 3 hours. My body flat against the pavement as I stared into the endless abyss of the night sky. I was unsure if I was underwater or if I was on dry land. All I knew was my mouth was becoming full of a thick liquid and my vision was becoming impaired.






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