Stages | Teen Ink

Stages

May 10, 2017
By BethFleming BRONZE, Franklin, Tennessee
BethFleming BRONZE, Franklin, Tennessee
1 article 0 photos 0 comments

Denial came first.
I was very young,
You never came outside to play anymore.
Your walk was slowing,
A nurse knocking on our door.
You were more tired than I had ever seen,
And angry too.
At such a young age
The first time I did not want to be right.
So I hid this from myself,
I let myself believe you were fine.
“It is only temporary”
“He’s just getting older”
How wrong was I, but
Do remember I was young.

Next came anger,
And this was a fire through my soul.
Angry that you never came to watch
Me in my basketball games,
Angry that you were in so much pain.
Angry that of all people,
The world chose you to inflict this pain.
I could not understand,
Why you were victimized.
As each day went by,
The anger mounted,
Building and building until my dam broke.
That anger has never truly gone away.

Bargaining gave me hope,
And disappointment too.
A shooting star in the sky,
Perhaps even the one shining the brightest,
A heads up penny,
And a penny thrown in a fountain.
Please let it all end,
Take all of the sickness away,
Sometimes I would even pray.
I bargained with all that I could.
Everyday I would descend the stairs,
Hoping to see you better,
And every day bit by bit,
More disappointment set in.
“When you wish upon a star,
Makes no difference who you are,
Anything your heart desires will come to you.”
Never applied to me.

Depression became consuming.
Why him? Why us?
Why me?
My question is unanswered.
Each day I would see healthy people,
Running, jumping, playing all they could,
And everyday the depression multiplied.
Sadness, is what I felt,
Almost all of the time.
Sad for me, sad for him,
And the only time I could be sad,
For the my little brother,
For he would never know,
True health.
I know he can not possibly understand,
I still don’t understand.

Though I was angry,
Though I was sad,
Even depressed and still in denial at times,
I finally began to accept.
There was nothing I could ever do
To change anything.
He is slowly trekking up,
A downward hill.
I can’t possibly understand it,
I am far too young,
But not too young to accept,
What has been done.


The author's comments:

The purpose of the poem I have written is to help others relate to how it feels to live with someone who is disabled and how it feels to be this person. I chose to focus on how it feels to be a person living with someone who has a disability because I believe a poem such as this could help others understand how this feels, and possibly even what these people are going through and how to treat them. Through an in depth look into the mind of someone who has gone through this life, I believe this poem is able show how a person's life and mental state are affected by living with someone who is disabled. Because it is from the perspective of a young child, it is able to be extremely relatable for kids and teens. Also I used the five stages of grief to relate this to events that happen in people’s  everyday lives such as breakups, and this works to connect to the reader’s own experiences. I also used the line “he was slowly tracking up a downward hill” to help visualize the slow descent disabled people may go through. This line was intended to be a hard hitting statement that would make people stop and really think about what this means. Using the five stages of grief, I am also able to go through the specific steps to acceptance in the author’s life, and how going through these steps has changed them. First denial in which the reader is young and unwanting to accept the reality of the situation, and next anger which helps to show the selfish aspect of this process and even why this anger has arrived. Thirdly bargaining, which shows the truth of a false sense of hope that with the bargaining to make the events better. Fourth comes depression, which is the raw emotion the reader can feel building up through the poem, and one of the most crushing emotions felt through this process. Acceptance, the final step, shows how the author has come to accept the reality of their situation. The steps explained here all help the reader to feel every single emotion someone goes through while living this harsh reality, and knowing what these steps are can also help the reader identify the steps in their own lives and in the lives of their loved ones, and this in turn helps the reader to help others and possibly even help themselves.


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