the anatomy of hope

May 8, 2017
By , indian trail, NC

The average human life is 27,375 days long.
At sixteen, I have lived 5,840 days.
Which gives me
A remaining balance of 21,535 days,
unless of course i am above or below average.
At 16, i have spent a miniscule amount  of time learning.
I want to die with a brain like an overflowing suitcase.
I wanna die so full with experience and memories that i am bursting at the seams,
I want my head to be like a library full of so many stories i’ll have difficulty finding the time to tell them all.
When my children need advice, i want to be able to pluck a story off the shelf
And hand it to them like it’s the cure for adolescence. .
I am 5,840 days old,
And i am naive enough to think i know who i am when
I have only spent a fraction of my time getting to know myself.
I want to be so whole on my own that when
something toxic is offered to me,
I can politely shake my head and say no thanks, im full.
I want to be like a notebook with no white space,
But first i have to be a blank page.
First my suitcase has to be empty.
My library hasn't even been built yet.
I like to think that one day,
Every day will feel like a sunday.
I like to think one day i’ll wake up
And i’ll be happy that i am awake
Whether the sun is coming through my window or not,
But for now i am just going through the motions
And making the best of it,
And for the most part , i am content.
I like to think i have a positive outlook on life
But so many people keep telling me i don’t.

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