Your still apart of me

May 3, 2017
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I still hear her whispers in the back of my mind " but you promised to wear a dress if you found the perfect guy", "the body that you touch will always be some what mine" "the scars on your arms where from a time I knew I couldn't go on if you became your self, but do you really have to this way?" I'm one day late and all the plans I started making to live life unhappy haunt me at the same time begin to fade because that was never me.
I'm two days late and my mind starts to panic for the kids I never wanted to carry in your womb.


I'm 4 days on liquefied gold and yet your voice is cracking and becoming mine I'm slowly letting you go and yet I miss you...


You said you would never make it to 20 you said you don't know what you want to do with your life besides die... You didn't know this could be reality ... That I was going to save us and you be every part of me that I ever was of you... But you didn't make it to 20. And I'm becoming a teacher even though you was scared of public speaking I learned to find my voice. And yes you fought for our life when you were only days old being born three months premature can be hard I know, but here I am saving it at 20 years old.. Carolyn I promise I love you I even kept resemblance to our names.. we both know you weren't happy and you wouldn't last another day.. Dear Carolyn I would say I'm sorry but I can't because I'm alive and this life is so much better I wish that you could see.


You had all the awards and clubs and did great things and I really didn't try and I .. I hold rights to your diploma. I promise to take care of the body you gave me even if its not the one I wanted.
love rylan... I'm sorry I can't do this quicker for you.






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