Break a Clavicle!

April 18, 2017
By jtrain GOLD, Pewaukee, Wisconsin
jtrain GOLD, Pewaukee, Wisconsin
11 articles 0 photos 0 comments

One clavicle (collarbone)
Two legs
One relay team
One spectacular track season
God-like speed
One pair of sprinting spikes

Begin by joining a track team! This could be at your school, through some club, or just meet up with a bunch of schools kids and run with them if you’re out of school.
For ¾ of the season, you are to run well. Do not injure yourself or do anything stupid. We will get around to that later.
Throughout the duration of this season, develope some god-like speed using your two legs. This speed will help you move fast.
Chose a nice, wet day in May when your team has a home meet. It is imperative that on this day you are running in a relay. It is preferable that you partake in the 4X200 meter relay, for this gives you some more time so break yourself. You could use any relay, however.
Put on your running spikes before the race begins, because these help you run.
Get in your blocks and start the race with everyone else. You are the first leg of this relay.
As you round the corner approaching your hand off, make sure you’ve got some adrenaline pumping through you, cause the party is about to start.
As you make you exchange, fall. Just dive straight into your extended arm and dig that shoulder as far into the track as possible! For bonus style points, slide a couple feet on your exposed back and scrape off as much skin as possible.
When you stand back up, you shouldn’t feel anything since you’ve got gallons of adrenaline rushing through your system. You may not feel it, but man do you look awesome. You white jersey is now stained red with blood! Nice.
To finalize your adventure, although nothing's feels off just take a look at your chest and there should be some kind of bone sticking out, that's your clavicle. Congratulations! You broke it!

Similar Articles


This article has 0 comments.


MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!