The strength that it takes

To push past the pain
Doesn’t outweigh
What I could do instead.

It could end in death,
But that’s decades from now.
A poison that acts slow
Is my one and only bet.

There’s anxiety from people
And stress of work,
Stress of my kids
That could lead to the worst.

But I have other options,
But I could fight through the pain.
But I’m not strong enough
Because of chemicals in my brain.

Poison is poison,
Poison always kills.
This poison washes pain away,
But leaves unpaid bills.

My situation is almost one out of 12,
But it feels like I’m truly alone.
Slowly my situation is killing me,
Side effects are being shown.

I receive all the help I can,
But its whispers are too tempting.
This awfully numbing poison
Is an awful something.

One bottle, two bottles, three bottles?
No.
I down the poison.
Until I forget.

Now I realize what I’ve done.

I’ve hurt you, my children,
My daughter and sons,
But you will forgive me,
The battle is almost won.

I put you through a lot,
But I didn’t mean to.
I hope you will forgive me,
Because I will always forgive you.