April 9, 2017

I think of the world in relation to colors,
Different frequencies moving around me
Pulsing meaning into my reality.
For instance:
There were times where everything was green
Like when I would hit the top of the swing set and fly through the summer air
Crash back down onto the wood chip laden ground
My hands digging through the shredded wood into the rich earth
And the heat, making my skin grow darker
Then the police officers rode slower past the park
Men in uniform: jaw set and eyes shaded
Watching me, to make sure my feet never slipped onto the pavement of the street
Or onto the grass of my neighbors
Because brown kids walked the path of the sidewalk
And we were too afraid to find out what would happen if we didn’t
Green moments in my childhood didn’t prepare me for a teacher who I gave the color solid white
She was a white woman, but more than that she smelled like marshmallows
And when she got close to me to whisper all the things I’d done wrong
When tears gracelessly flowed from my eyes and melted into my face
The odor of marshmallows would suffocate me
The delightful smell masking the fact she wasn’t a delightful lady
Then there was that boy that was pulsing red
At a party when I was 12
he felt the need to touch me inappropriately
I see that scarlet shade vividly as he violently violated what I assumed to be my innocence
While I stood in confusion wondering where his hands were meandering 
And if I would ever be clean again
But his unpermitted advances didn’t unravel my worth
It informed me of the unpleasant hypocrisies that one human being is allowed to do to another
The silence of that moment haunts me mostly due to the accusations that I allowed someone to hurt me
If I didn’t know how to say no to these occurrences, how could I have said yes?
And then there was the first death
The first loss of a life I witnessed created pure darkness
And I could not remember what color was
And In these moments I pray and everything turns cobalt
Because in my mind I am sitting on a park bench with God asking erratically yet rhythmically: why. Why. WHY.
And God and I look at the spring sky together
The blue expansive enclosure of our little world
The clouds moving, yet fixed and still
Then I realize nothing was black
it was all pure light
The kaleidoscopic of life manifesting itself plainly
I can see indescribable colors painting my reality
A cataclysmic confirmation that I am living In a rainbow
But I just couldn’t see it clearly without the rain
The colors vibrating through space and time characterize my world fine
If only I could find someone with colors that matched mine.

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lilc.a said...
Apr. 12 at 1:44 am
This is such a beautiful piece. I love it so much!
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