Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Breathe.
One. Two. Three. Four…
But I never get back up to five. By the time I reach four I’m no longer breathing, but hyperventilating
No longer focused on breathing – but trying to bring air into my lungs which are opened but closed.

Gasping for air -
I reach for my inhaler with my left hand and hold onto my chair with my right, I am unable to breathe at all my lungs have collapsed. Unable to grasp the side of my chair I’m falling to the ground onto the hard metal pavement
My lungs shattered

While listening to ocean waves and trying to calm my nerves
I’m drowning.
I’m sinking in an ocean of my own tears
No lifeguard to save me
The waves of my sorrows and pains are turning into a tsunami I can’t escape 
Broken, bent and bruised-
I take one more breath – my head reaches the surface-
Five.