Dear Mother
It's been a while since I remember you as that title
And not some random stranger that I see a few times a year
I remember a lot
It was never really your exact true form, or atleast that's what I thought
Rather, I don't remember you
But I do remember that nightly bottle of white
In a plastic glass with two cubes of ice
Always chilled, yet somehow always filled you with this red hot rage
I remember a lot of yelling
A lot of sharp words that dug into my mind, and in the morning were expected to be concealed with the bandaid of "oh I was drunk" but even when you were sober they weren't exactly blunt.
I remember all the "I hate yous'"
I remember all the times I would trust you with my insecurities that you would then use against me
I remember all the times you locked me outside
I remember being scared to do or say anything, because anything could provoke you
Atleast you never hit me, but I constantly saw you pull down and destroy the only person who cared
I remember all the times you drove him away for days, and blamed me
Every night that you sucked up that evil from that tall clear bottle
Every cruel thing you said
Created a memory
But these are no ordinary memories
No
They are memories in the form of glass shards
That have stabbed me in the chest
And stayed there
The same type of glass from that tall clear bottle
I have a lot of them
When they stopped coming, I put them together
I made my own bottle
An empty bottle, like a hole in my heart
I think you had one too
And you tried to fill it with anything you could find
And for a while I did too
I filled it with scares on my arms, crappy grades, drugs, Boyfriends that treated me like s***
And of course, good ole alcohol
But one day I woke up
And realized that I was becoming you
And that fact, that jaw breaking truth
I refused
I started filling my bottle with friendship, creativity, love, and optimism
And one day it will overflow with joy
And on that day, I will no longer remember you
I'm not even close to there
Not yet
But I'm on my way
To slowly, but surely, finnally forget you