Sometimes..
Sometimes I sit alone at night in my empty room and my mind starts to wonder how and why?
Sometimes I start to feel like the whole world is against me and how I don't deserve the pain that has followed me since the day I learned what pain was
But then sometimes I know I deserve it because he broke me once many years ago, he penetrated the layers of my innocence that I had never imagined would be unrightfully taken away from me. And yet sometimes I make excuses for him because why else would someone become a monster if you don't give them reasons to. I wonder did I do something unknowingly to taunt the bitterness inside him or did he just look at me and yearn to own what I had. To own my soul without deserving it to demand my love without even knowing me. But his brutal words still haunt me at night his mockery of my youth his disrespect for the women I have become. And every once in awhile he returns to me in my dreams as if it will never be enough to have touched me without consent as if he still needs to know he has the power to break my very being with a simple look. And I know he knows how frightened I am to see him how my gaze always wonders towards my feet like a coward in his presence how I will never be strong enough to speak when he approaches me and this kills me inside.