Written To Monster

April 2, 2017
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I am two people,
I have an extra emotion,
the emotion and power to turn loved ones against me,
ye is afraid of me,
for something I can never see or touch,
I am referring to my anxiety,
a killing pain within me,
it takes me extra seconds to breathe,
and when I finally do breathe,
my life flashes before me,
I am alone,
so why keep on living I ask?
I struggle with anxiety,
the plot twist between crying and dying,
the cliffhanger of the unexpected,
honey let me tell you,
humans are a story,
my story has two different sides,
I refer to my anxiety as monster,
the regular girl I see in photographs tries to cage her monster,
she knows too well about what is living within her,
the first panic attack she releases in public,
everyone will leave her,
she must scar her feelings up and put them in a book,
but who so will want to read such a book
about a two sided girl,
there is the free spirit, creative, empathetic child,
but then there is the caged monster,
this monster will be let go at any given minute,
for ye can not control one such thing,
when breathin on its own is so tiring,
I am done with caging my biggest flaw but my biggest strength,
I have a monster inside of me,
sure I may cry,
but I have survived,
I didn't die,
My anxiety is a part of who I am today,
If you do not like me and my reflection,
let me go,
my anxiety has caused great pain and sacrifice,
but this god damn monster has also been the light I see at the end of the tunnel,
it tells me to keep going,
because even though it has made my life a living hell,
anxiety winning would be the absolute terror,
I am going to beat it,
put away the knife,
put away the alcohol,
stop lying,
and learn to survive in this cave of caged monsters,
I am letting my monster out,
If you love me let me leave,
if not still leave,
ye do what ye wants,
I can write the monster,
Poetry is our favorite form of communication,
To everyone suffering with anxiety,
you are never alone,
you are strong,
and today is just the beginning to your story and tales of living
it may not seem like it now,
but surviving with a monster ready to explode,
is a damn accomplishment,

sincerely yours,
written to monster
aka anxiety

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