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The Death of a Songbird

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If hope is the thing with feathers
Then my heart is a desolate cage

Devoid

Of everything
But for a pile of deceased birds
Left unfed....
left for dead.

Nothing perches on the branches of my soul
Besides the ravens,
Plucking pretty pigeons clean.

Even if love could save me
It seems love is allergic to the
Downy deceased resting between my ribs.






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SpeakerofWolvesThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Apr. 20 at 6:14 pm
@MagdaEmilia I must say, WOW. I really like how you use the imagery. I would like if you could use a little bit more explanation, but it was concise and sweet to me. I would like to see more of the poem in maybe a few more paragraphs. I would have the word "Devoid" near the previous line and try to use a little bit more figurative language to make the the story interesting. I will say that if the poem is about you/ I, I would recommend that you use the similes about the person. Such as "I am not... (more »)
 
kissthemoonThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Apr. 21 at 2:02 pm
wow! like SoW wrote, the imagery is AMAZING! wow! youve got talent
 
MagdaEmiliaThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 30 at 3:27 pm
thank you guys so much, and I really appreciate the pointers, it helps a lot. :)
 
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