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Burning Heart

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Broken hearts can still survive
Through and through with no more lies
As I did not long ago
While moving on awfully and terribly slow.
Watching as the clouds move on
Missing the moon as its gone
Missing my smile, I had not long
Laughing and trying to make it strong
A genuine smile shall return
And from this, I shall learn
That to try to even yearn
Will only result in a burn.




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addictwithapenThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
today at 9:50 am
My favorite part is “That to try to even yearn/ Will only result in a burn”. I suggest separating this poem into three stanzas based on the rhyme to improve flow. Also, I recommend adding a comma in line 3 to clarify the meaning; without one it is uncertain whether you mean “As I did, not long ago” (meaning you did this thing a short while ago), or “As I did not, long ago” (meaning you did not do this thing, a long while ago). I assume you mean the first but a comma would make it cle... (more »)
 
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