Everything Before Goodbye

March 29, 2017

Your first words to me were like
A sonnet I wanted to salvage
So I stopped biting my nails
And picked you as my new bad habit
A form of control with no control at all
Like the tall hairs that stuck to your forehead with New York city's rain fall

You became a pattern of dreams I wanted to keep
Something I couldn't bear to see
in someone else's sheets
A blissful thought of what we could be

But after that same day you spoke those first three words
I had never spoken to you again
Your voice never again heard
Those maybe's turned slurs and a future, a dark black and white blur

So I watched from afar
Saw you look into another's eyes like they were stars
Like you you had just been fed after being starved
And nothing could break you two apart

Maybe I was going crazy
I saw your face everywhere and I had no place to flee
I wanted so bad to just
Grab your hand
Take you away
Let our hearts crash
Watch our thoughts waltz and dance
Until we were convinced that forever would last

It took twenty seven seconds and the blink of an eye much to fast
To wash away these thoughts
A fight not so easily fought
Your image a riptide and I was getting caught

Suddenly afar became much too close
When you walked in AP World History
Took a seat beside the girl with a selfish pose
I watched you laugh between her hair flips and subtle boasts
Her clanking heels and revealing clothes

Maybe if you looked back you would've remembered my words too
How I was too nervous to speak so I spoke too soon
Maybe if I had waited a few seconds to let my mind refresh
I would've heard another three words this time to repress
Maybe it would've let me hate you
Ignore your unmistakable contours and subdue a series of notions I was unable to pursue

Perhaps the twenty seven seconds it took you to walk away
Was the time it took for you to put me in my place
You ambitions in the high school wind and how you played
My heavy head and aspirations that wouldn't sway

Perhaps if you looked back that day you would've seen something different
I would've seen stars in your eyes and you would've seen oceans in mine
But instead you would drown and I'd be afraid to fly
Maybe it was never meant to be
Maybe we were oblivious or too distracted to see

But we never spoke again and time had begun to outplay me
Years had passed by the time I had gotten to see
You came back to the sidewalk of our old city

I was still the same, small and lost, and oblivious to my falter
You hair was longer now,
a little darker now and carried the scent of another.

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