Still Erasing....

March 21, 2017
By thewarrior77 GOLD, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania
thewarrior77 GOLD, Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania
19 articles 23 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
“If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world.” - C. S. Lewis


I’m still erasing.
My knuckles white, gripping the pencil upside down
Still scrubbing, rubbing with all of my might
Shavings flying like autumn leaves
The page is hot and worn but I still see
I refuse to believe what you did to me
Has been written in my life in permanent ink
That page, I want to tear it out!
Why, oh why can’t I tear it out?


I’m still erasing.
But the picture is still there
Of a sweet sad girl, holding a flower
A flower whose petals have been ripped off
Torn off! Yanked off!
And the monster who has stolen those innocent petals
Walks away, grinning, blowing them from his hand
And then those words, those words, the darn words
They dance around the images on this page
Bold and black and vile, they fill me with rage

 

I'm still erasing.
I’ve been through hundreds of erasers
But all of them fail
To eliminate, obliterate, eradicate, abolish
What I see when I flip to this page
Chapters are fallen on top of it
But the words keep bleeding through
The ink smears and stains
Dripping shame and pain


I’m still erasing.


I’m erasing.


But it won’t go away.


The author's comments:

Some things just can't be erased from the past...


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This article has 1 comment.


on Apr. 6 2017 at 9:55 am
addictwithapen PLATINUM, Chesapeake, Virginia
21 articles 14 photos 165 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I'm at it again as an addict with a pen." - twenty one pilots, addict with a pen

STANZA 1: This is a good start to the poem. It introduces the conflict well. My favorite lines are "I refuse to believe what you did to me/ Has been written in my life in permanent ink", though I would suggest cutting out "in my life" because it would eliminate the repetition of "in", and since you're using the page as a metaphor for a time in your life, it isn’t necessary to say "in my life". Also, the words "see" and "me" rhyme while none of the rest of the stanza does so, which is distracting. I would recommend changing "The page is hot and worn but I still see" to something like "The page is hot and worn but the marks can still be seen", or whatever you want that doesn't rhyme with "me". STANZA 2: Replace "but the picture is still there" with "the picture remains" to avoid repetition of "still". Add a comma between "sweet" and "sad". Change "the darn words" to "those darn words" so it is parallel with the rest of the sentence. To avoid random rhyme, change up either the second-to-last line or the last line so “page” isn’t rhyming with “rage”. Nice use of exclamation with "Torn off! Yanked off!" STANZA 3: I like the use of synonyms in the fourth line of this stanza. Replace "Chapters are" with "Chapters have". I would switch around “shame” and “pain” in the last line; I don’t really have a reason for that, it just sounds better to me. LAST LINES: I would eliminate the lines “I’m erasing” and “But it won’t go away”. The third-to-last line, “I’m still erasing” makes it clear that the marks have not gone away. Ending your poem on the line that you have been repeating at the beginning of every stanza gives it more punch than introducing a new configuration of words at the end. Thank you for the opportunity to review your work. If you have any questions about my feedback, feel free to let me know.


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