And I mistook it for love

March 9, 2017
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Let me tell you that I am not sure if I ever loved you and for that I am sorry
You see when others try to get in I erect a wall that I have lived behind for years and I never meant for you to fall for me it all happened so quickly that I didn’t realize I had caught you
And trust me for a while I thought I loved you.
I tend to mistake a need for attention for love
And you were the sun and I a plant
Except when I left you I never stopped blooming and I know you hate me for that
You wanted me to break and tear away at the edges
You wanted me to be as broken as you were
There are just somethings that I hvent figured out about myself and you had thought you had me figured out like your favorite book
So when I should the dragon that was hiding in the place you thought you saw a princess
It seemed naturally that your turned me into a villain
I know I should have run when you said I had sad eyes.
Weird bulls*** that I mistook for romance instead of a predator searching its prey. And  I am bad at dealing with others emotions. And you are raw emotions. I learned how to flow with the waves of sadness and anger that flowed from you and I thought that was love. I was falling apart at the seams and yet I only checked to make sure that your stiches were securely emplace and I called that love
I had lost myself in a societal ideal of a relationship
Where I give up myself to help you to blossom into the man you should be
I ignored every inclination that I had to run because you don’t leave just because the house isn’t finished being built. But I was a ready to live my life and you were stuck on the ghost of your past
On our first, and second third and fourth dates you talked of other girls that you had dated and how they broke you
I know that I should have run
Because you saw the world through rose tinted glasses where you were a savior, a messiah who could do no wrong
And these girls were inept
Unable to show you emotions and caring
I know I should have left you when I started shying away from your touch. No longer did I melt into your arms like my bed at the end of the day
You were a stranger to me at the end
I thought that this was just a bump in the road. No one tells you that someone that you saw the moon in could simple be a pebble in your eyes the next day.
And for that I am sorry
I swear I never meant for you to fall in love with me it was just a wrong turn down a narrow aisle and somehow we ended up here

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