Skydiving Into a Volcano Without a Parachute

March 9, 2017
By , Keeseville , NY

Told my dad I'd clean my room when I got home

I didn't

Told my brother I'd loan him ten bucks

I didn't

Told my cousin I'd visit my grandparents this afternoon

I didn't do that either

I'm great at keeping my word

I swear this much is true

But sometimes life gets in the way

And theres just too much to do

So much to do, so much to say

Sometimes I long to drift away

To a different life, a different place

Where I no longer see your flawless face

And like dead dandelions

My troubles are gone with the wind

 

Nobody taught me what to do

When i find someone

Who wants nothing but the best for me

Take everything I have

Please, really do

All of my happiness resides in you

You'll never know how much you are to me

As lovely as you are

I hope you never will

You became my heart

Although that wasn't your intention

It wasn't mine either

 

Neither of us knows where to take this now

Desire burns

Both of us are burning

With blue flames of change and restraint

I'm in the pleasantly numb stage

Aware of the pain to come

But i can't do anything about it now

Half of me is okay

The other half is in horror

At what I've allowed myself to feel

Jealousy is a hideous emotion to wear

Thats why I loathe my own reflection

 

Regardless, I still subject myself to this

Sometimes self-harm isn't holding a razor to my skin

Sometimes it's doing something that I know will devastate

But I just can't say no

Maybe it's because we feel that we don't deserve better

Maybe it's because we feel that there is nothing better

The person we lie to the most is ourselves

Maybe that's why artists are the saddest people   

They see the world for what it is

 

Maybe it'll work itself out

Maybe it won't

No promises that it will

No promises for tomorrow

No promises that anything is certain

And I've already proven to myself that no promise is easy to keep

 

I jumped off of a ten story building

Hoping to god there'd be a net to catch me

Falling for him is like seeing light for the first time

"Is" because I'm still falling

I'm still praying to god that the net will catch me

I can see the ground already

 

His eyes of gold tarnished

Must not have been real gold

 

With aching hands

I have a death grip

Onto an idea

I'm not sure will work

I hope with everything I have

That you'll see

I feel as though we turn to love for both guidence and hope

Hope hurts

And it's unfortunate that sometimes

That's all people have to live by

If I had no hope I wouldn't get hurt

If I had no hope I wouldn't be alive

If I had no hope i wouldn't be me

But maybe that's okay

Because I kept the one promise I shouldn't have

One day I will find someone perfect for me

And I did. 






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