i didn't want to chase you away (i guess i did anyways)

March 8, 2017

If I ever asked
about their favorite color
what their type was
when they washed their hair
it was never about them
it was always about you

Because I was a fool enough
to believe that you would pick up
on my fleeting glances
dipping lashes
and stuttering heartbeat
except you didn’t

And I thought you’d do something
other than turning your head
and biting your tongue
and pretending that neither of us liked each other
even though we did
and were just too cowardly to show it

Green’s an ugly color
for envy, want and greed
and for some time it painted both of us
cracked our skin till we bled
it never suited either of us
but pride is a stubborn thing

So it came to point
where it was either you who left first
or it would have to be me
because even with all the pining
we still chased after others
praying away our feelings, please

I left first and you left second
and neither of us wanted to admit
that it would have been as easy
as counting fingers on a hand or breathing out an apology
and trusting that the other would be there
to break the fall

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