The Loss of Last Words

March 4, 2017
By simple_effect SILVER, Franklin Park, New Jersey
simple_effect SILVER, Franklin Park, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Security is a superstition; it does not exist in nature. Life is either one daring adventure or nothing." ~Helen Keller


We talk about life and death
as if it's something we can control.
Taking for granted every breath
That we only acknowledged subconsciously.
Throwing around the concept of being alive
Is easy when it feels
unwavering,
Stable,
Constant
When it seems as if life
Could never flee your beating heart,
We feel greed.
Possessed by the idea that our lives will
Still be there when we wake tomorrow morning
Life ends as we please
And dream,
Or so it seems.
When our closest experience with death
Is being held at gunpoint
With a water gun
The fake terror mounts around
The barrel of that plastic gun
Yet you're still so secure
So certain of survival.
And thus it's a plague.
The overconfidence in life
That causes us to meet death too soon.



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This article has 2 comments.


on Mar. 21 2017 at 10:36 am
simple_effect SILVER, Franklin Park, New Jersey
6 articles 0 photos 27 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Security is a superstition; it does not exist in nature. Life is either one daring adventure or nothing." ~Helen Keller

Thank you so much this is incredibly helpful.

on Mar. 19 2017 at 2:26 pm
tigerlilyorange SILVER, Lexington, Massachusetts
6 articles 2 photos 15 comments

Favorite Quote:
Whatever you can do or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power, and magic in it. Goethe

For starters, I can tell you have a very lyrical and developed writing style:) I like your ideas, and I think to elevate this piece you may consider finding ways to make it more powerful. Consider breaking it into stanzas, or adding more punctuation. Maybe rhyming? or dropping some "the s" etc. More specifically, Instead of beginning with "We," consider "you and I," or something to draw the reader in. You don't know if everyone's closest experience with death is a water gun fight, but you can be pretty confident that a teenage reader's is:P also, consider a line break or something before you say it is a water gun... that could add to the suspense! When you say "throwing around being alive," you could even add some dialogue.... Just some suggestions for making the piece have more levels:) Instead of saying "tomorrow morning," maybe say each morning... I am a bit confused what the line "And dream, Or so it seems." is about. In the 5th from last line, you don't need "still" Hope some of my rambling ideas help!!


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