The Loss of Last Words

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We talk about life and death
as if it's something we can control.
Taking for granted every breath
That we only acknowledged subconsciously.
Throwing around the concept of being alive
Is easy when it feels
When it seems as if life
Could never flee your beating heart,
We feel greed.
Possessed by the idea that our lives will
Still be there when we wake tomorrow morning
Life ends as we please
And dream,
Or so it seems.
When our closest experience with death
Is being held at gunpoint
With a water gun
The fake terror mounts around
The barrel of that plastic gun
Yet you're still so secure
So certain of survival.
And thus it's a plague.
The overconfidence in life
That causes us to meet death too soon.

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tigerlilyorangeThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Mar. 19 at 2:26 pm
For starters, I can tell you have a very lyrical and developed writing style:) I like your ideas, and I think to elevate this piece you may consider finding ways to make it more powerful. Consider breaking it into stanzas, or adding more punctuation. Maybe rhyming? or dropping some "the s" etc. More specifically, Instead of beginning with "We," consider "you and I," or something to draw the reader in. You don't know if everyone's closest experience with death is a water gun fight, but you can ... (more »)
simple_effect replied...
Mar. 21 at 10:36 am
Thank you so much this is incredibly helpful.
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