I tell myself,

over and over again,

he would never hurt you!

He was just upset, so he yelled.

He didn't mean to say those things.

His filter wasn't on.

The words 'fat' and 'lazy' were just a product

of his anger.

The words 'useless' and 'piece of s***' were

his frustrations speaking aloud.

He didn't try to say those horrible things about Mom,

he was just stressed out.

He would never hurt her!

He was just angry, so he patronized.

He didn't mean to claim those things.

His filter wasn't on.

The words 'manipulative' and 'horrible'

were never meant to be said.

The words 'pig' and 'b****' weren't meant

to hit his poor children's ears.

He didn't try to direct all of his anger

towards his family.

He wasn't thinking!

Forgive him, he's your father!

He loves you, he loves you so much.

No, he doesn't.

Yes he does.

No.

Yes!

Okay...

They're mad at me now,

my siblings.

They say I forgive too easily.

They say I'm too much of a pushover.

I know they're right, but I can't help it.

I love him, no matter how much

he doesn't love me.

But the cycle will start over.

It always does.