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Misjudgement

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Black eyes--
Devoid of feeling,
Empathy,
Anything--
Greet mine
They have seen everything
And know that it is best to forget what you thought
You knew

The eyes he stares at--
Hazel
Full of emotion
And wet aleady--
Are mine
I have seen nothing
And know everything
I think I do
At least

The face that the eyes belong to
Is thin
And pale
And turns away in some shade of disgust
Another doctor.

"Yes,"
I say
Stepping forward
"My name is--"

Unimportant.
Black-
No
Brown
Brown so dark it could be black-
Brown irises roll across bloodshot irises
And give me a look of hatred?
No
Pity
You are the doctor.
And I am the paycheck.

My eyebrow arches
"Paycheck?"

Yes.
He turns to face me again
And lifts up the thin white tank shirt
And points at the faded black number
5704
Paycheck.
You don't deserve my name.
Nor do I want yours.

His eyes meet mine
Hidden in them is
Something
Ferocity?
Fear?
No
Far from fear.
But what?
Whatever it might be
It forces me to look away
So I do
Hazel irises drift from his

I see the deep
Black
Circles under his eyes
And wonder
How much sleep does he get?
Is insomnia why I am here?

I continue to drift down.

Thin face
Does he eat?
Pale skin
Does he see the sun?
And bandages
Around his neck

I pause.

How can he talk then?
I think
My gaze flicking back up to his face.

A thin smile.
Have you figured it out yet?
He says.

I hear every word as clear as day--
His voice is gravelly
Soft
and if it were to have a color
I would think blue--
But as he speaks
His lips never part.

His hand runs up to the bandages around his neck
Fingers rub over the tattered
Stained
Off white fabric
In a way that seems to be like a comfort object.

The thin smile fades.
No.

I shake my head
No.
I don't.
"What…"
I begin
Not realizing my thoughts are leaving my mouth

His lips upturn in a grin
Between teeth
I see a lack of a tongue
And wince.
What? What am I? What am I doing?
You have to be more specific.

I shake my head
"How…"

Oh, come on
He glares at me.
You know the answer, don't you?
Brown irises pour into mine
Seeking asnwers
Answers that
Now
I know

You know what you are here for
Stretch
His back turns to me
Why can't you say it?

"I…
"I don't know what you mean,"
I say
"I am here for your…

Magic.
That's it.
I'm broken, aren't I?
And you're here
He turns around and glares at me
Eyes staring past the visible
And into my very soul

I can almost
Almost
Feel him probing my thoughts.

But tell me this.
His brown eyes are speckled now
With all sorts of color
Blue dots across the pupil
Blue the color I think his voice would be
Do I look like I'm broken
To the eyes of an outsider?

Slowly
My head shakes
"Uhmm…
"No."
It feels like he is grabbing my chin
But he is across the room
How is this possible?
Magic.
MAGIC.

The sudden realization of exactly what I have been assigned to
Makes me scream.
"I HAVE TO KILL YOU."

He laughs
But is a dry laugh
He doesn't put emotion behind
Or something to that degree.
After all
I have no tongue
No vocal cords
And
According to them
No soul
What could be the harm in ending my suffering?
Because I'm not human, aren't I?

Blue voice holds hatred and anger
Brown eyes show something else
Some other emotion
This time
It's
Fear

I pause
"You're afraid of death."

He nods
Slowly
And looks away
Like every human is
In the end
Right?

Every human

In my hand is a syringe
In the syringe I was told was a vaccine

Is it the death drug?

Whatever it is
I have no choice
I walk forward and reach for his arm

He backs away
Hands waving violently
No
Please
Spare me
The person who by social standards is a monster
And who so terrified me in the beginning
Is begging for mercy

He looks so small
He looks like a child
He can't be twenty three…

I think about my job at home
a pediatrician
And the similaities to him
And the children afraid of the shots I give them
"It's... "

Please.

Hazel eyes drift to the syringe in my hand
I inhale
Close my fist
Exhale
Squeeze

The glass shatters
And the medicine goes everywhere
It smells disgusting
Not at all like the vaccine would
Having adminsitered what I was told it was before
Having filled those vials
Myself

It is not this scent
It is not metallic
Giving him that would have killed him

He looks at me
His permanently wide eyes stretched wider at what I just did

You…
You really did that?

I nod
"I had no other choice,"
I say

No
You had many choices
But you
You
He looks me up and down
And peels away from the wall
Slowly
Of course
You have morals

I nod
And step back to give him the space
That I personally think he deserves
"Who wants to be a murderer?"

He stares at me
And smiles
I
I thank you

I nod
"I guess this means I'm fired,"
I say.
"I can't say the next one will be as
"Generous."

He shakes his head.
No
You misjudge me and what I can do
what we can do.

He points at the door.
Take me out of here.
Set me free.
Together
We will start a rebellion.

I nod slowly
And outstretch my hand.

"But,
"If we're partners,
"i suppose I need your name?"

He pauses
And thinks
And says
Give me one
And give me yours

I nod
And laugh
"My name is
"Sandra,
"And yours…
"Yours is now Kail."

Kail?
Like Kyle?

I nod slowly
"It's one of my favorite Meji names
"And I think it suits you,"
I say.

He smiles a bit.
I suppose.

Dark brown eyes with blue speckles
And purely hazel eyes
On one thin
Pale face
And one round
Dark face
Walk out on the same bodies we walked in on
But with a different mind behind us.




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