lately

my heart has been so heavy

i think im reverting to old ways

going back to suffering silently 

and

disassociating

one piece of advice

is to never read old pieces

the feelings will come back

in waves big enough to take out large cities

you will remember

why you believed you were in love with someone

but 

you will also remember

why now

looking at them either disgusts you 

or hurts you

you will remember

words

you had tried so hard to forget

you will see

the dried wet sposts on your paper

and 

you will remember

what had made small waterfalls

slip from your eyes

you will hurt

because

you will remember