Incompletely Us.

February 1, 2017

i remember when we met,
when i first acknowledged your existence.
i’d seen you before, a plethora of times,
but you had never truly caught my eye.

you said something to me,
a compliment, i think it was.
still, i hadn’t quite been interested,
but you just weren’t going to give up.

so, you tried and tried again,
to catch my eye, my attention, my something.
and eventually, i gave it to you.
i gave you the time of day.

from there, a beautiful friendship grew.
you seemed to trust me with your life.
and i wasn’t quite ready to put my life in your hands,
but i almost trusted you with mine.

i don’t know where your feelings came from,
nor how quickly they developed,
but soon, you were asking me on a date,
and i just couldn’t say yes.

so, i called you sweet, but i turned you down,
said i had some other plans.
and you completely understood that,
and you still fought for another chance.

you didn’t guilt-trip, you didn’t push,
you just kept on feeling, quietly.
and at the time, i had hoped it would go away,
i hoped you would just stop liking me.

you just kept on quiet, though,
giving your subtle, little hints,
i would complain about them, if i’m honest.
i didn’t want compliments, nor the little gifts.

and i told you not to buy me things,
but you often did it, anyway.
when i asked you why, all you said
was, “i like to make you happy.”

you didn’t realize that you made me happy,
on your own, and just like that.
but maybe i didn’t tell you often,
so you just thought it wouldn’t last.

but it lasted an entire year,
you being my favorite person to talk to.
you were my favorite part of the day,
and for a while, i was yours, too.

i never let you know that, though.
i didn’t want to lead you on,
because i still was not ready for a relationship,
and i knew you still wanted one.

and it was the little things you said to me,
that let me know just how you felt.
you referred to me as your “someone special”,
“the most amazing person you’d ever met”.

then, you tried again for a date,
and this time, i agreed.
but we saw it in two different ways;
i saw it platonically.

and the next day, you tried again,
with the little things you wanted us to do.
but at the time, i didn’t want any of it,
so, i blatantly ignored you.

then, we didn’t talk for quite awhile,
one day, two weeks, three months.
and i was hoping that when we spoke again,
your feelings for me would be numbed.

and that’s what i thought for the first short while,
and i felt finally at peace.
but then i heard you turned someone else down,
and the reason happened to be me.

you were still in love with me,
or at least, that was what you said.
you told the entire world about it,
when i wished you loved her, instead.

she loved you with a burning passion,
you’re all she talked about.
but you claimed to be mad for me,
i was the one you couldn’t live without.

but still, again, i turned you down.
it became like a routine,
and i tried to make it very clear -
there just was no “you and me”.

and i guess you started to accept that fact,
you started talking to someone else.
and for awhile, i didn’t care so much,
until i realized how you felt.

you told me that you liked her,
and that was why you were such a flirt.
i acted like it was totally okay,
but really, i was hurt.

i predicted this a year ago,
when you guys first started speaking.
i told you that you liked her,
that you would develop all these feelings.

and you denied it with all you had,
claimed she wasn’t “the one”.
and maybe, at the time, she hadn’t been.
but now, she’s all you want.

now, i don’t know how it happened,
it came so suddenly.
and it was a shock to hear you say,
that you no longer wanted me.

and for a while, i tried to accept it.
tried to stay out of your way.
but really, when it came down to it,
i wanted your love again.

i didn’t want to tell you that,
and so, i tried not to care.
i had rejected you for so long,
it just didn’t seem fair.

but then, one day, you kissed my head,
said you’d be back tomorrow.
and so, that gave me a bit of hope,
that maybe you still liked me, too.

and it seemed like every chance you got,
you would hold me in your arms.
whenever we were close enough,
you would take my hand in yours.

then, one day, when we were together,
you leaned down and kissed my lips,
and i was taken by surprise -
you were my first kiss.

you kissed my lips, my shoulder, my back, my neck,
they were all just little pecks.
but still, i’d never been kissed before;
i was a bit taken aback.

but at the time, it seemed so fitting:
my first love in my best friend.
and you’re love was so addicting,
i didn’t want it to end.

and for a while, i thought we were fine,
thought that we had something real.
but i was always met with such disappointment
when i would question how you feel.

it always, somehow, lead back to her,
you told her every little thing.
you spoke with her as if you were dating,
when you said you were in love with me.

i wasted my first “i love you” on you,
when i thought you meant it to me.
but then, i heartbreaklingly found out,
you just said it so i wouldn’t leave.

and now, this poem is quite incomplete,
and it sadly always will be.
but it has been left like this for a reason;
it is just like you and me.

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