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What am I doing with my life?

What am I doing with my life?
I constantly think of that question but I can never seem to answer it.
I'm 14 and I've already created so many sins.
Will I get into heaven? If it's even true,
Or will I get turned down like many others do? Rejected, once again, like I have been frequently, but this rejection  means a lot more to me.

What am I doing with my life?
Still no answer. But a question I DO know the answer to is...
Do you wanna drink?
Do you wanna smoke?
It's always yes, BUT IT'S NOT ME! I already know it's bad, I already know I was taught to do better, but the sins pull me lower to the ground with every letter. W-E-E-D has been the word to describe me but I swear I have a good reason. Just like every other zombie.

What am I doing with my life?
I still don't know.
I just got this life and I already refuse it to grow.
I tell myself I will get through it but deep down I know I won't. Don't put the pills down. Don't put the knife down. You'll stay this age forever you'll never grow. You don't care how many people you'll hurt along the way, but you can't kill yourself over one bad day.

What am I doing with my life?
Wasting it.
Post after post begging someone to just take it.
Because social media is just a ticking time bomb anyway
That will blow up in our face one day.
And when it does we're forced to see what we haven't seen before but what is now a trapped door and now we can't escape. And all of our opportunities slowly fade away because we'd rather watch a video of someone ELSE making something out of their lives while ours slip away and we get heated at them and comment what we need to say.
Why is it that we're so tough behind a keyboard but when we're face to face we have nothing to say?

What am I doing with my life?
Trying to make something out of myself.
Trying to make people regret what they've put me through once I hit a certain wealth.
I always imagined myself being famous
Telling myself that this suffering won't last long
But every way I'm handling the situation is wrong.
I come off mean to guard my heart that is already beat up and torn apart.
I light the sin and show a grin so you won't ask me what's wrong
And all the pain I've hidden away is a test that I can never pass
And if I continue to live this way my life will never last.



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