Where I Have Grown From

February 3, 2017
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I used to be from clouded thoughts questioning existence: no escape, no humanity, no wing to hide beneath.
I used to be from darkness: no sun, no stars to lead, no moon in my mind.
War broke out, defeating me.
I used to be from tears multiplying, racing down one cheek past my chin, puddles on the floor.

I used to be from empty plates and glasses half empty,
as I stared in the mirror and down to the scale my appetite was lost.
I used to be from seeing reward in thighs slimming down, ribs visible through my skin, and weight reducing by the day. 
I used to be from the grumbles yearning to be heard, begging for treatment, acknowledgement, help, but it remained unheard.

I used to be from others deteriorating my self love, no respect towards myself, no love but hate for my being, my mind switched sides.
I used to be from shot on the ground, as words penetrated through my core, my respect taken and I stood unarmed.
I used to be from the enemy disguised, revealing itself in my reflection.     

I now am from opening the blinds in my mind, letting the light in, positive thoughts flowing, improving and not harming.
I now am from no longer hiding behind others, being my own body guard, I know my self worth.
I now am from showing my teeth, no longer a frown upon my face, no longer tears streaming down my face, no longer negativity controlling my life.
I now am from full plates and glasses half full, body no longer aching from hunger, no longer calling out for help, no longer dropping down as health has been found.

I now am from respecting, loving, and bonding.
I now am from no words penetrating me as my shield is up defending myself.
I now am from no hate towards myself and forgiving myself from all of the suffering, pain, and harm I caused.

I have grown from struggling with depression by realizing I am smart, unique, and strong.
I have grown from inspiration from my struggle for there is no reason to be ashamed, embarrassed, or disconcerted.

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