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Smooth clay runs through my fingers
The pads of my fingers change
As my identity shifts
The red clay runs over them
Your breath on my neck as i gasp in fake fright
The chill that runs down my back
When you whisper to me even if it's about nothing
I twirl my pointer finger around your loose curl
You shift in your sleep
I flinch waiting for your hand to slap my fingers away
You mumble softly words i cannot comprehend
I lean into you
Only to hear the sound of you mumbling your sweet nothings
I can't see you beyond the darkness of my heavy eyelids
Your face blocked by my heart
That slowly fades your face away
I still can feel the warm spot next to me
Where i knew you had laid
The feeling of your warm soft hands wrapped around mine
The heat
The heat was so real
Your faded smile was really there
Your eyes blue no a soft brown
It's all there until my alarm clock sings
I lose the will to stand up and go on with my day
Thinking there's someone for me
That I'm gonna be passed by you in the hallway or maybe in life
The details are blurry in my mind and in my heart
Because maybe i photo shopped you and you look differently in real life
Maybe you're not  human at all
You're simply a strong figment of my imagination
The hugs you gave me
Were the warm laundry on sundays
Your kisses
Were the simple pulses of my  keyboard on a day with no sun
Hands wrapped around mine
Were all the times I had supported others and forgotten to support myself
Your curls the spiral called love that i have never felt in the way it was portrayed
The love of something i will never fully grasp
I don't wanna think your not there i wanna think differently
I want to think that if i fell you would catch me and not let me fall further inside myself
I want to think that when i look in the mirror and start to rip my self confidence into micro pieces That you'll be behind me with tape and gorilla glue
Or maybe I wish i did have someone to hold onto
Other than my pen and paper bed that i seem to rest on
It surprised me that you don't show up with the rest of me
I have a feeling that you and my anxiety would make great friends
I'd like to think that you're really there
That you're not just a recurring dream
That keeps my mind wandering
With my traditional what ifs even if it seems so unlikely
It's like being swept under a huge wave and willing the water down your throat
It's like painting white roses red
Then saying you wished you had white roses
I wish you were here
i don't know your name
I don't know what you look like
I don't even know if you're human
They say there's someone for everybody
Well i think my somebody got hit by bus
I continue to mold my clay
I look at my masterpiece
finally finished
The sculpture
Two words
No one




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