it was all a lie.

everything that came out of that damn mouth was a lie.
all the "i love you"s were just a mask covering up you true feelings. you probably only stayed with me to make me happy.
i probably wasn't good enough for you. too ugly.
too fat.
too loud.
too annoying.
i knew all those things were true but i finally thought that i finally found a person that was willing to look past all that.
but you were just like every other guy.
just another liar.
but why do i stay? why am i still by his side? it hurts to stay but it will hurt more to leave.
is this what love feels like?
because if it is i never want to love ever again.
it makes me think of all the ways i could've done something wrong. it hates me hurt so much physically and emotionally.
it makes me so sick when i think about losing you.
but i have no control.
i don't even have control over myself. what makes me think i can control anything else.
i stay up late crying, reliving all the moments in my head and it occurs to me why i fell in love with you in the first place.
and then everything seems to hurts again.
it hurts because i don't have that anymore.
i'm empty.
i'm so empty.
and i don't know what to do or how to deal with it. my body is numb and i lay in bed thinking to myself,
this, is love.