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What's a Mother

It sort of stings
When you swallow what you see
And Process what you feel
When you figure out a problem
Or you need to heal


And I refuse to go to a woman
Who I’m supposed to depend on


You’re supposed to have a bond
But mine isn’t very fond
Of wanting to acknowledge it
Not even a little bit


Is it really okay
To give a child care
But not really care
And to give it necessities
But not seeing it’s accessories?


Sometimes I don’t even know what a mother is supposed to do
Do they just provide for you
I always thought my mother was broken as a child
Like everyone else's parents were working
Cogs and all
Turning and fully functioning,
And mine was broken


They kiss their child goodbye
As they watch them run into school
While mine just tells me to hurry up
With eyes that look like a whirlpool
I see mothers smile proud
When their kids announce something amazing
But my mother doesn't break eyes from
A distraction, grunting an “oh” instead of praising


Nowadays, it's an uncomfortable thought
Looking at her
Or sitting next to her
Talking to her is a struggled hasslehassel
Because it doesn’t feel natural


But sometimes I know what having a mother is supposed to feel like
They’re mothers all right, but not mine
And they have something in them for me that shines
Passion for what I do
I see fire in their eyes
Like I could fly through the sky
If I try hard enough
Listening to my words and not just hearing a voice
Giving me a reaction and not just a blank slate
Giving me a path and not just saying “do the math”
Encouraging and not discouraging
It’s those times where I get a little taste
Of how it feels like to have a mother
But I know it’ll never be the same when it comes from another




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