I am a liar.
To want to wake up to him every morning longing for his fingers to caress my face in his strong  god given hands and greet me with his perfectly chiseled face that appears to be made from the hands of the loveliest angels. He is not with me. But I crave for him like a bumblebee so craves for it’s honey that it would fly a thousands miles for just the slightest taste.
I am a liar.
While he continues to stare at his honey I am endlessly flying through space and time, wondering why I was born into sap. Constantly looking for ingredients to become that flavor he admires so much. To want him so much but to never have him, only to settle for a rose instead of a sunflower.
I am a sinner.
Yes,
the Rose is absolutely beautiful. Expanding out to it’s surroundings creating magnificent layers of adventure, to grow larger in it’s greed but never fully live. The simplicity of the Sunflower that reaches for god’s arms or whatever it may believe in. It no less reaches. And as long as nothing stands in it’s way it will always continue to reach without prevail. For me to want something so bad as to ruin the growth of such beauty! Only to stomp on the Rose leaving it behind,
what lust.
I am a sinner.
No, I would never. But as I watch him let his honey be taken from him, willingly, my insides revolt and my heart cracks under the heated pressure that my eyes no longer see what is right and my thoughts turn to chaos. I no longer want to be sap but to turn myself  into the bumblebee that feeds off of him is such heaven.
But I will never.