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The grass isnt always greener on the other side

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In my hand you see a red, faded rosary. We all know a rosary is a religious object. It is what Catholics use for praying, but they’re NOT supposed to wear them as  necklaces. I am Catholic, so it's wrong for me to wear a rosary around my neck. When I do wear it around my neck, it always gives me good luck and the feeling of safety,  especially when I might be doing something absolutely stupid. This rosary didn't just bring good luck to me, but to my “ex,” too. That is why I even have this rosary because he wanted me to have an object that brought me good luck since I never had. Now, it makes me weak. Just seeing the rosary lay there on the desk by my bed, it screams my name to get my attention, reminding me of the story behind this red rosary. I want to forget all about how I hurt a lot of people I love. I do regret the choice I made, and I'll continue to regret it. If you have heard already, then you know where I'm going with this. If not, this is the story about me running away. The most important message to this story, to this rosary, is: “The grass isn't always greener on the other side.”
Just getting the thrill and guilt really does get to your head. “Are my parents going to hate me? Will they want to see me again?, Freedom!” If you know me, you know how strict my parents are. You should see them now. When I was packing my bag I wasn't thinking about the somewhat freedom I had now, will then be taken away when I came back home. I was too busy thinking about the freedom I will have for a short period of time. That race in my heart and how it slowly aches at the same time had me debating. “Put my clothes in the bag-- no, let's put them  back on the hangers.” Having someone doubting me saying I wouldn't do it made my heart race even more. That’s the bad thing about me, if anyone says I can’t or won’t do it, will make me want to do it.
As time was ticking by I had to stick with leaving since he was kept on doubting that I wouldn't leave, so I need show that I can do it! So I waited till he will show up.  He said he'll be here by 11:30 but it was 10:30 and my mom was still awake. At 10:40 my mom came into my room “Good night Aliya, love you.” That was the last time I heard her voice worried free. Somehow It came to 12:30 he still hasn't showed up. It made me even more anxious. I open my phone, now it said 2 am still nothing. I was covered in sweat while dressed in my black hoodie, tight skinny jeans, black thick socks with a blue heavy bag on my back. I thought to myself “this is useless I need my sleep.” I took off my jacket, off my socks, put on black shorts, put my bag to the side and hid under the covers. At 2:30 my phone was vibrating he said he’ll be here at 3:30. As much I wanted to prove my point I agree and I'll wake up at three. I only got one hours of sleep that night knowing me that NEVER happens. He showed up at 4:20. I heard my dog wake up by him shaking all his old blonde hair off his body. I was was hoping he would fall back to sleep. So I put on my tight skinny jeans, my thick socks, my jordans, my black hoodie, and the red rosary. I grab my bag and creeped down the stairs hearing tiny footstep follow behind. My phone was constantly blowing up with text messages and phone calls asking where are you at, I am here, & it's time to go. I unlocked the big creaking door my dog barked so loud it was like a fire alarm going off. I just said forget it I open the door as loud it can be and slammed it. That was it. Last time everything really will be normal. That's what hit me running quietly down the street while looking back. Nothing will ever be the same. When I left I remember the sky being pitch black with a little sparkle in the sky.  When I got home well the black sky was light up but not with a sparkle but with blue and red lights. Instead of running inside the door I walk in quietly with my hands behind my back.
What happen when I was gone is a longer story to tell. But getting to my point about why I believe the grass isn't always greener on the other side, is well let me tell you something. It's been four weeks from that day. I have zero freedom, I can't be alone, I have people checking on me, I barely have a phone I do now because I need it to get hold of my parents. I would do ANYTHING to not let my pride get in my way that night. Thinking I would be somewhere else, doing something, not being on some kind of probation. The grass isn't always greener on the side but crossing over it might be darkness, dirt, not even grass there at all. A place that's even worse then the side you wanted to escape and knowing you have no way getting back to that same side really makes your stomach drop. Not the part that nothing going to get better but the part about how much people you hurt going to the other side.


 




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