You Made Me Dark

September 27, 2016

It's funny how darkness isn't only a physical object or color.
Darkness is an emotion. It's a memory.
It's the shortness of breath and the tightness in your chest and throat.
Darkness in my life was when he refused to open the curtains and blinds
Darkness was the deep sickening brown tones
in every aspect of that claustrophobic house
Darkness was in the center of his ironically ice blue eyes
And within the gaps of his aged teeth
I felt it when he made feminist remarks and locked me out of the house
It was present when I finally got home from school and
held my breath as I passed by him
And it was even there when his vile words diffused eerily through the draft as they searched for another victim to swallow
In the few years with him, the despicable said darkness engulfed me
It stopped me from seeing my friends
All I could do was sleep because I wasn't willing to deal with the hatred when I was conscious
The days, months, and years all blended together into the same pale shade of gray
Every smile was forced
And every conversation was choked
He told me ,”the world is a hard place, i'm just preparing you for the future.”
As if his acts of cruelty were for my benefit
And not for his enjoyment
He embodies darkness
Every darkness i've ever known
is tightly crammed into every square inch of his heavy stature
I see it in the deflated mound of lard he calls a stomach
In which his shirt does a poor job of concealing
Darkness struggles to squeeze itself into each of his mangey facial hairs
And it takes home in his bitter heart
He is only happy when he has pained others
He only smiles at the sight of my anxiety
I aged more in the couple of years spent with him, then I have in my entire life
And even though I was able to escape, his darkness still stalks me
It's in my shadows as a constant reminder of the hell I once lived through
Somedays I am able to escape my thoughts and I am able to be happy
I think that I am free of his evil grip
But then I turn around and i'm reminded of my past
I am unable to escape it because it lives within me

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