Surrounded by a family that isn't mine.

Looking back at a picture left behind.

Wishing mom and dad were still fine.

Thinking of what it would be like,

if this were a different time.

Trying desperately to remain okay,

when my heart is shattered inside.

Imagining a family dinner,

instead I get a family of strangers.

Hearing music,

reminding me of what once was.

Pretending to smile and laugh and whispering all my "hi"s.

My siblings are watching with curious eyes.

Wondering why their big sister seems so lost.

I guess it just hurts to be alive this time.

Thanksgiving is no longer a family adventure,

of giving the turkey shots and laughing at the little kids,

before giving prayers.

It's hiding away, wishing for a better future.

All the while, thankful for everything in this world.